tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91611765232866906192024-03-14T18:48:48.032+11:00almost a mirrorShelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-60638393200983491202011-04-10T22:05:00.002+10:002011-04-10T22:06:29.432+10:00Leave you to it.<span style="font-family: arial;">Give me a reason, a topic, a purpose, a knock about the head, or anything that will get me writing again.</span>Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-44495143354623417862010-10-01T19:29:00.002+10:002010-10-01T19:31:42.916+10:00While I'm on dancing all over the trivial...<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Has anybody got any suggestions for music to go with Proust? Something backgroundy to cancel out the fascinatingly distracting sounds of the world going on outside.</span></span>Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-65658002876892443232010-10-01T17:45:00.002+10:002010-10-01T17:50:00.247+10:00Penny-novelish pettiness.<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I have realised that to be passed over for a Lavender Davis is not so bad when it's a Christian Talbot doing the passing over. </span></span>Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-54291800387559380632010-09-03T23:12:00.002+10:002010-09-04T21:39:35.123+10:00I suddenly realised that the restless itchy feeling was the need to write. So I will.<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CShelley%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="State"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:35.4pt; mso-footer-margin:35.4pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Thirty-one, thirty-one!</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">For the first time in an age I have a song crush.<span style=""> </span>I have played one song so often that I fear my neighbours may be getting out the pitchforks. <span style=""> </span>The burning plastic smell may indicate that they decided to forego the pitchforks and the stake and go straight to the burning. <span style=""> </span>Woe?</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /><span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">By now, really, reasonably, rightly I should be sick of it but I’m not.<span style=""> </span>I have reverted to teenager type.<span style=""> </span>I suspect that I shall shortly start doing weird things with incense, start colouring my hair with textas, write endless tedious and monumentally pretentious letters, and just generally moan about things. <span style=""> </span>I really was a cool kid, yeah.</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">What you got is what you wanted.<span style=""> </span>Alternately, so many different choices that you've got to make instead.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /><span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Is this the life I wanted?<span style=""> </span>I feel stuck in default. <span style=""> </span>Did I want the default?<span style=""> </span>Should I have fought harder?<span style=""> </span>Should I have set my mind to a vocation and a career and just gone for it? <span style=""> </span>Yeah, the usual crap I’ve been going on about for years. <span style=""> </span>Which reminds me, I read <i style="">High Fidelity</i> the other day. <span style=""> </span>I’m changing the title to <i style="">Me As A <st1:state st="on"><st1:place st="on">Man<span style="font-style: normal;">.</span></st1:place></st1:state><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style=""> </span>My internal monologue checklist went tick tick tick and tick tock once or twice.<span style=""> </span>There’s really nothing like fiction to hold a mirror up to one’s soul and have it spit back the broken glass of failure.<span style=""> </span>Not just failure but holding off, holding back, keeping the options open and watching life slip away. <span style=""> </span>I think the seven years bad luck is at an end.
<br /></span></i></span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><i style=""><span style="font-style: normal;">
<br /><span style=""> </span></span></i></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Won’t you stop and remember me…?</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I have, quite unashamedly, been enjoying the election. <span style=""> </span>What fun.<span style=""> </span>Despite a general consensus – sometimes expressed very crudely indeed – that I neither understand politics, political processes, or, in fact, anything about anything especially that relating to The Real World the politics nerd in me as re-awoken with a roar. <span style=""> </span>Frighteningly, there’s a lot I’ve forgotten and quite a lot I may never have known. <span style=""> </span>Despite generally feeling like I should know everything as everyone else seems to I don’t really mind admitting that I’m ignorant. <span style=""> </span>Nor do I mind reading, watching, listening, asking questions and just generally trying to alleviate my ignorance.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /><span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Standin’ on the corner of civilization.</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">In the last couple of months I’ve realised how much I have been deluding myself. <span style=""> </span>I’ve always known how I try to please other people - don’t be difficult, don’t make a fuss, have a nice stable job, don’t ask for money, don’t need any help, don’t make me worry about you. <span style=""> </span>More than anything I have failed to please myself for years and I have hidden away. <span style=""> </span>Most critically, given how much time we spend doing it, I have deluded myself as to what I should work as or at. <span style=""> </span>Better a job in the hand and better a better job in the hand. <span style=""> </span>I am capable and intelligent and quite good at solving problems (rather over being an agony aunt though – the answer is grow the fuck up – seriously). <span style=""> </span>I learn quickly.<span style=""> </span>I make connections fast.<span style=""> </span>All of this leads to me being very bored a very great deal of the time.</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Last year I made a compromise plan to get myself a better job and well blah blah. <span style=""> </span>Lately I’ve realised how disastrous that would have been.<span style=""> </span>My interests, when it comes down to it, are politics, political history, the bizarre world that is quantum physics (understanding minimal, keep plugging away though), and good writing. <span style=""> </span>You could probably add a bit of psychology and sociology into that – they are, to a certain extent, implied in politics and history – because I like to know how people tick. <span style=""> </span>Most importantly, I can’t come up with a single fucking reason why I should work boring shit jobs and not be involved in things I’m interested in. <span style=""> </span>That’s quite a scary moment.<span style=""> </span>There’s a part of my brain that asks why I should be different from other people. <span style=""> </span>There’s another part that asks why I shouldn’t.<span style=""> </span>I’m quite used to being thought a freak – I often wonder if other people get the criticism and backhanded insults I get simply for doing such things as reading books or speaking well. <span style=""> </span>How fucking dare I, yeah?</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I still need to write so maybe I’ll do some more of that.</span></span></p> Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-20178529728388457652010-08-02T18:52:00.001+10:002010-08-02T18:53:29.057+10:00Because I can't share it on Facebook.<span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" >The PM is following me on Twitter. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />Seriously. LOL!</span>Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-37831726429612377772010-06-12T17:13:00.002+10:002010-06-12T17:19:26.386+10:00Are they?<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Dear </span><a style="font-family: arial;" href="http://daleslamma.blogspot.com/">Dale</a><span style="font-family: arial;">, </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">I got your </span><a style="font-family: arial;" href="http://poniesare.wordpress.com/">magazine</a><span style="font-family: arial;">. I haven't read much yet but have looked at all the pages. It looks good. I like the way you've presented the poems. Cramped poetry is an unappealing read. I much prefer air and space presentation. </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">The whole thing made the SMH, which I also looked through today, look like a waste of coffee money. I suppose it is really.</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Best luck,</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Shelley</span></span>Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-86993290213099688422010-06-09T17:54:00.000+10:002010-06-09T17:55:20.966+10:00Wassup<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CShelley%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:35.4pt; mso-footer-margin:35.4pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">I’ve spent the last week very busily and strenuously recovering from surgery. <span style=""> </span>The translation is: on the couch reading and watching tv shows. <span style=""> </span>I may have overdosed on True Blood but it was southern fried fun while I was doing it. <span style=""> </span>My only, very minorly, vaguely intellectual thought from this is that the Queensland/Louisiana thing is not entirely wrong.<span style=""> </span>This makes me quite uncomfortable for a number of reasons that I don’t think I’ll go into in the right here right now.</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Hospital was interesting.<span style=""> </span>I reacted to the whole process with breathtaking calm given that it was entirely new to me.<span style=""> </span>My biggest freak out was being asked, at about 4pm, to swallow five uncoated tablets with the aid of about half an inch of water. <span style=""> </span>Cruel given that I’d had no fluid since 2.30am.<span style=""> </span>I got man-handled, and I don’t really like people touching me, by just about everyone. <span style=""> </span>Doctors are awfully touchy, aren’t they?<span style=""> </span>Like unnecessarily so.<span style=""> </span>It all seemed a bit silly when all I really wanted was the blissful touch of anaesthesia. <span style=""> </span>It all went off without a hitch and, hopefully, I shan’t have further problems.<span style=""> </span>I made my surgeons and nurses happy so I suppose all is good.</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Recovery has been rather slow but only in the sense that I am tired and a little sore as well as wonderfully bruised.<span style=""> </span>Had I a tum for showing off I’d have posted pictures of my interestingly bruised bellybutton.<span style=""> </span>Other than that nothing.<span style=""> </span>I am tying to force myself to do nothing.<span style=""> </span>No lifting, not too much standing, and limited sitting upright which tends to the uncomfortable.<span style=""> </span>I am reading <i style="">Possession</i> and David Marr’s <i style="">Power Trip</i> and feeling oddly disconnected from everything. </span></span></p> Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-41432711270456496552010-05-18T21:30:00.000+10:002010-05-18T21:33:48.812+10:00If Creedence Clearwater Revival can’t fix you then nothing can.<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CShelley%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="country-region"></o:smarttagtype><o:smarttagtype namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" name="place"></o:smarttagtype><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:35.4pt; mso-footer-margin:35.4pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: arial;">Anecdotes are glorious things - especially when you learn about the origins of things that you really are most awfully fond of.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">My parents had been watching something about racial divisions in the </span><st1:country-region style="font-family: arial;" st="on">United States</st1:country-region><span style="font-family: arial;">’ armed forces (something which my father witnessed in </span><st1:country-region style="font-family: arial;" st="on"><st1:place st="on">Vietnam</st1:place></st1:country-region><span style="font-family: arial;">). </span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">My father is not an overly tolerant man in many ways and he quite disliked the American armed forces (maybe some day I’ll tell you some of his stories). </span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Actually, he loathed the white American soldiers and chose to do his drinking with the African-Americans. </span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Dad’s story about the first time he and some mates stumbled into a bar patronised by black GIs is pretty funny and because he and his friends weren’t intimidated (well, they were but they didn’t leave) or prejudiced and stayed to drink ensured that they were always welcomed back. </span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">I think dad’s main point with that story is something along the lines of not having had to buy a drink all night – universal good will through free piss. </span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Anyway, my mother’s story tonight was about how dad’s drinking habits and his choice of drinking companions lead him to Creedence Clearwater Revival. </span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Always having had a soft spot for Creedence this story greatly amused me. </span><span style=""> </span></span></span></p> Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-51966017818636377982010-05-16T19:10:00.001+10:002010-05-16T19:12:50.434+10:00Weekends are too short anyway.<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CShelley%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:35.4pt; mso-footer-margin:35.4pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">A number of things contrived to ruin my weekend.<span style=""> </span>I hadn’t any plans other than the usual tedious chores and the sorting out of watchable television. <span style=""> </span>(Don’t people get worried when you don’t have tv? <span style=""> </span>Extraordinary.) <span style=""> </span>Friday, however, shattered my mood and sleep failed to restore it. <span style=""> </span>First thing is, sadly, my inability to complete all my allotted work tasks on Friday. <span style=""> </span>I do hate hangover especially when the over includes a weekend. <span style=""> </span>Second is the positive/negative of a job interview non interview. <span style=""> </span>A non formal affair, as I understand it, to give me time to impress someone in the hopes that they will give me a job that I’m only partly experienced in, though I have nothing formal to back me up, and which contains large amounts of stuff that I have no experience in whatsoever.<span style=""> </span>Because charming the pants off people to get good(ish) jobs is my forte…<span style=""> </span>One day I will ask the person of wonderful faith who suggested and has arranged this where her confidence in me comes from. <span style=""> </span>One or both of us may be drunk before this happens.<span style=""> </span>Thirdly, work again – the overlap of own time and work time made awkward by social networking. <span style=""> </span>The awkward overlap and my stupid wish to calm one of my juniors had me talking to her at midnight Friday about an incident from that morning. <span style=""> </span>An incident that, incidentally, took my Friday morning’s work off its rails and really ought to have had nothing to do with me but that I have become the person everyone lays their troubles on. <span style=""> </span>I am not a manager, I am not paid as a manager, yet I manage the staff and their problems. <span style=""> </span>Which brings us back to point two.<span style=""> </span>I am more than ready to captain my own ship and would prefer that to the half-and-half land I presently inhabit.
<br /></span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /><span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Friday set the tone for the whole of my weekend.<span style=""> </span>I have been tense, irritated, and annoyed which has left me unproductive, restless, and un-rested. <span style=""> </span>On Saturday I was short and snappy and utterly fed up with people and the bizarre games my family plays. <span style=""> </span>I never quite understand why sometimes I am told everything and am sometimes so precious that I must not be told things lest they upset me. <span style=""> </span>The irritation is more upsetting than the telling, to be honest, and all is pointless as my sister is completely incapable of keeping things to herself. <span style=""> </span>The loading of other people’s problems onto my shoulders is wearying and I am supposed to have an infinite capacity to take it. <span style=""> </span>My exhaustion suggests that infinity is failing or that no-one can count and I am staggering under the weight. <span style=""> </span>Would that I could slough it off in the way that others find so easy.<span style=""> </span>It ought not weigh me down, I ought not be bothered, I ought not take it into myself but it does and I am and I do.<span style=""> </span>And it seems greatly unfair that the chronic unburdeners and the constant need for reassurance types never realise that the energy they take is mine and that they have it from generosity rather than right.</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /><span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family:arial;"><span style="font-size:85%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:78%;" >I think that next weekend I shall be unavailable to all unless there’s beer involved. </span><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:78%;" > </span><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:78%;" >I have had enough.</span><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:78%;" > </span><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:78%;" >I do not want to speak to anyone. </span><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:78%;" > </span><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:78%;" >I do not want to have to reassure anyone. </span><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:78%;" > </span><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:78%;" >I do not want to expend the empathy and energy that, unreciprocated, I give. </span><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:78%;" > </span><span style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;font-size:78%;" >I need a breather.</span><span style=""> </span></span></span></p> Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-13291812444303609542010-05-05T21:52:00.002+10:002010-05-05T21:57:55.513+10:00Can I unpost?<span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I wondered at my mother's eagerness in (repeatedly) asking my opinion of </span><a style="font-style: italic; font-family: arial;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychoville">Psychoville</a><span style="font-family: arial;">. So I watched. I thought it seemed rather...familiar. I googled. The same people who wrote </span><a style="font-family: arial;" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_League_of_Gentlemen"><span style="font-style: italic;">The League of Gentlemen.</span></a><span style="font-family: arial;"> Comedy that scares the shit out of me. Comedy that made me exit a room in haste. Comedy that made my mother laugh and laugh harder as I freaked out and ran away.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">This explains a lot, doesn't it?</span></span>Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-85815679866866626012010-04-20T23:16:00.003+10:002010-05-05T22:01:38.647+10:00Updates<meta equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 11"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CShelley%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtml1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><style> <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:EN-GB;} @page Section1 {size:612.0pt 792.0pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:35.4pt; mso-footer-margin:35.4pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} --> </style><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0cm; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Work</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">It seems that this is a year of going places while sitting still.<span style=""> </span>If I let it work would be kicking my arse right about now. <span style=""> </span>I simply don’t care about the job or the company any more and the less I care the more I’m given to do. <span style=""> </span>That’s okay though.<span style=""> </span>Every chore, every tedious task is met with the mantra ‘this will look good on my CV’. <span style=""> </span>And it will, you know: more authority, more responsibility, more documents, manuals and procedures to be decided and written, people to be trained, so many people to be trained, performance reviews to do, meetings to attend, negotiations to be attended to, and even OH&S finally to be understood and dealt with (so useful for government applications), and fuck only knows what else, ah, whatever, I don’t much care. <span style=""> </span>The less I care the more is thrown my way.<span style=""> </span>Even to the point of a (very) tentative management offer.<span style=""> </span>I find this absolutely hilarious. <span style=""> </span>I will take it with both hands if the offer is offered and the offering right. <span style=""> </span>I would take it knowing that I have explicitly told the offerer that the only reason I’ve cut back on looking for a new job is that I have surgery scheduled for June and am not in a position to give up my sick leave.</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /><span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Health</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">A bit dire really.<span style=""> </span>I think my immune system is bit depressed even if I’m not. <span style=""> </span>More reasonably, I suspect that having a chronic health issue has simply fucked with my body’s ability to deal with, well, virtually everything. <span style=""> </span>So far this year I’ve had some kind of virus since late January (‘Could you just have a look at my throat?’ ‘You’ve got some kind of virus.’ ‘…!’ [End] x2), on top of the virus I had a very nasty cold – just when I was on holidays too, yay, and upon my unimpressed return to work I developed tonsillitis though this was almost certainly directly related to the work thing outlined above.<span style=""> </span>In short, I feel a bit shit most of the time and have stopped seeing people and doing things because I require enormous amounts of arse-to-couch contact.<span style=""> </span>I have one other small health related gripe.<span style=""> </span>I am on the only Pill known to man that increases hair growth. <span style=""> </span>No, I have not started chest hair or a beard but I do have stacks of new growth on my head. <span style=""> </span>Little one and two inch hairs that make me look unkempt ALL of the time. <span style=""> </span>Frustrating.<span style=""> </span>And they’re mostly grey.</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /><span style=""> </span></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Wealth</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Totally non-existent.<span style=""> </span>Despite getting a pay rise to go with my sudden increase in workload and responsibility I sadly only manage to net about $30 of it a fortnight. <span style=""> </span>It was a pretty insignificant raise.<span style=""> </span>And I exist on a financial borderline where the toe over gets chopped off.<span style=""> </span>I’d love to say oh well I’ll get it back at tax but the reality is that student loans and HELP means that cash gets snatched away as fast as I earn it.<span style=""> </span>Oh well, eh? <span style=""> </span>Also, I joined the union as we’re involved in pay negotiations and, much more specifically, I am engaged in pay negotiations and I want my arse covered. <span style=""> </span>Nice, eh?<span style=""> </span>Also, you know, united we stand and something something something.<span style=""> </span>I shall have more money presently when I pay off some things. <span style=""> </span>Oh joyousness I may save for a real holiday and replace my poor beleaguered Doc Martens which have, sadly, worn through (the leather) and gone rather bald (the sole) and retire my poor laptop…and…and…I spend money faster than I make it.</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Life</span></span></p><p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">
<br /></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p style="font-family: arial;font-family:arial;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span lang="EN-GB">Really, it’s not you, it is most definitely me. <span style=""> </span>I lack the funds and the energy to do anything. <span style=""> </span>So I don’t.<span style=""> </span>I don’t even want to talk to people. <span style=""> </span>My colleagues have decided that I am their best friend, their mother, their teacher, their counsellor, their life coach and any other amalgam of archetypes specifically designed to suit their needs. <span style=""> </span>I am wildly over it.<span style=""> </span>I am exhausted by it.<span style=""> </span>I am about a minute from screaming ‘quit yer fuckin cryin’ at everyone.<span style=""> </span>I am waiting for time to pass, CV credits to be accrued, operations to be done and dusted, cash to learn to flow again, and all of life’s edges to be sanded back and made nice and neat. <span style=""> </span>Doubtless I will get there and life will start again.</span></span></p> Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-2037037903633671882010-04-04T19:36:00.002+10:002010-04-04T19:55:21.631+10:00Easter.<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Red Tulip is the flavour of Easter. It is what they threw the crowd at the Easter Show when I was a child. The Show was smaller and crowded and terrifically exciting. We would go and watch the horses and then scurry around buying show bags for other people - and, of course, ourselves. Red Tulip is also the maker of my favourite childhood egg. How pleased I was when the Easter Bunny got it right and brought me the horseshoe eggs.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Easters and Christmases were always extended by visiting family. One might have started at home but there was always a trip up the coast and a couple of sets of cousins to see. Every year at nan's place we had an Easter egg hunt that ranged over the enormous backyard and into the lower reaches of the wall that grandfather built. The older cousins cheated and spied as nan hid the eggs. I was hopeless at finding them but always ended up with some.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">The Easter Bunny used to visit us at school too - aided by Mrs H., talcum powder, and her enormous fake bunny foot. So many strange Easter rituals. A parade and tiny craft chicks and all kinds of eggs and little paper baskets. All these things worked up for the entertainment of children and their parents.</span></span>Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-64806737422965549702010-03-29T20:47:00.001+11:002010-03-29T20:50:23.156+11:00Oh.<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I knew every line of you</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">every lock of hair </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">and how it fell</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">I knew you</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">awkward by the station</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">And every time I looked across</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">you were looking at me.</span></span>Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9161176523286690619.post-80583484032837320982010-03-22T18:41:00.000+11:002010-03-22T19:11:50.980+11:00Sorry, but...<span style="font-family: arial;font-size:85%;" >For some time there was an unusual welter of indecision and plans were made, broken, re-maid, remained, maimed and discarded. Confusion did not reign. It whimpered off in a corner and the odds and ends of life went on. Eventually, insomnia ruled over insanity and the lumpen swag of history, refusing to be left entirely, was mothballed and chaptered and temporarily left to stand. <br /><br />Our protagonist has differed little from the start. She lies and loves and loathes and writes and finds these things so integral to her character that they must be done. They will do regardless. Half a million words writ in the half-awake and refusing to be let go. Lost nonetheless but leaving a memory of a possibility of the potential of, of, of a something. Somethings are made to be pursued or perused. <br /><br />As ever, she has been in a perpetual state of bored not-busy-business with a side order of half-arsed self education, self discovery, and any number of other masturbatory practices. She has also worked and been promoted to a job she was already doing and taken on other tasks that will make her look interested and thoroughly employable on her next résumé. She has chosen a future that she is relatively confident in and is absolutely certain that her plans will change and that things will happen - as they are wont to do. About this she is sanguine. <br /><br />She has taken steps to ensure a less pained future and will take more and more as the days wander on. She is confident with Plan A though it pushes the time of Plans B and C that little bit further away. However, better to be done and done with. <br /><br />Here we shall leave the protagonist and here she may stay though the ties are loose and doubt is a constant. </span>Shelleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03417138778733226637noreply@blogger.com9